This Is How I Disappear
by schntgaispocked
Summary: [Prequel] After Pepper leaves, Tony doesn't exactly try to cope. Fury's demands of him don't make anything easier. WARNINGS: allusion to/thought of attempted suicide, language...and I think that's all.


_**This is a prequel to The Sharpest Lives.**_

He really should have seen it coming. It was there in every hesitant glance, every nervously chewed lip, and ever single plea for his safety. It was to much for her, too much for anyone, really. Pepper's leaving shouldn't have surprised him like it did. Everything was building up to it. The fact that he was 'Tony Stark' was one thing, though that would be a challenge for over 95% of the population. If anyone could handle being 'Iron Man's girlfriend' he would be surprised. Tony let out a dark and self depreciating laugh as he brought the bottle of scotch to his lips - glasses were an unnecessary formality at this point. He fully intended to have this bottle gone in the next hour. Once he started laughing, though, he couldn't stop. They were all so right about him.

Natasha's words in his personality profile. What Steve said on the helicarrier. Fury didn't trust him as far as he could throw him. He couldn't even run his own company - that task had fallen to Pepper a long time ago. Why these people found it worthwhile to associate with him was a mystery at this point.

The city lights were beautiful from the view on his rooftop balcony, but Tony couldn't muster up any appreciation for it. All he could focus on was the darkness that wrapped around, threatening to consume the bright beacons down below. New York was the city that never sleeps, a phrase that Tony Stark could really attest to. He hadn't slept for more than 4 hours in the last 8 days, and that was only because he would drink himself into a coma. To say he wasn't coping well was an understatement. Not that anybody knew, though. He hadn't spoken a word to anyone in around 5 days. Rhodey had called trying to do what little cheering up he could over the phone from his base in the Middle East. All that accomplished was a reminder to Tony that his closest friend would always be loyal to the military, the government technically, first.

With that annoying reminder, the billionaire lurched to his feet, now determined to somehow distract himself. The lights all spun before his eyes as he dizzily stumbled forward a few steps before catching himself. _That could have been bad_, he thought numbly, peering down from his new position close to the edge of the roof. It was a very long way down. Hesitantly he moved one foot forward, toe now touching the edge. Idly he wondered how exhilarating the fall would be. From this height it would have to be comparable to flying in the suit. Tony ran a hand over his arc reactor before turning away, not even watching his scotch bottle as he threw it behind him off of the skyscraper.

_Sir, I don't recommend making a habit of tossing projectiles off of the tower. From this height, the velocity-_

"I got it, Jarv. It's pretty simple physics and I'll keep it in mind next time," Tony interrupted his AI with a roll of his eyes. He wasn't surprised when there was no reply. As he reentered the tower and walked down the short staircase to his penthouse suite there was a bitter taste in his mouth completely unrelated to the alcohol he had just consumed. The only being who consistently cared for his well-being these days was a machine he had made himself. By this point if it weren't for JARVIS' frequent reminders, he would have certainly died of alcohol poisoning. With that thought, he walked straight into the kitchen to grab a cup of coffee. The AI in question was currently under orders to have it constantly brewing and ready for him to drink. His actions were almost mechanical as he poured the cup and added to it a good amount of the nearest alcohol, which happened to be whiskey. The beverage sloshed violently as he collapsed onto the couch.

_Shall I arrange to have that cleaned, sir?_

Tony raised an eyebrow before giving the stain on his couch a cursory glance. He couldn't find it in himself to care about the tan splatter that marred the pristinely white sofa. This was the kind of thing Pepper cared about. She decorated his houses, chose his furniture, acquired his extravagant art collection. Everywhere he looked, all he saw was Pepper.

"No, arrange to have it donated or something. Arrange to have it all donated."

_Are we to be getting new furniture, sir?_

"Mmm..." he stared into his mug as if the contents had purposefully offended him, "Have a decorator come tomorrow. Most highly acclaimed one."

_It is unlikely that a decorator would be able to come on such short notice, on a Sunday no less. _

"For the right price someone would. Check local. Just get someone, and whoever it is had better be good because I can't go without a bed for any length of time."

_May I say the record states that last time you slept in your bed was-_

"Just find the damn decorator, JARVIS," Tony interrupted again, irritation lacing his words. With a smirk that didn't quite reach his eyes, he turned in his seat to rest his shoes on the couch as he downed half of his coffee.

_I am sorry to interrupt, sir, but there is an incoming call from Director Fury, of SHIELD._

"And if I ignore it?"

_I am afraid he is quite persistent._

"Fine, just take the call before he tries to fuck with my systems," Tony sighed in resignation. A screen appeared in front of him, housing the image of his favourite one eyed super spy.

"Stark," he stated in way of greeting.

"To what do I owe the pleasure? Don't tell me you miss me now."

"Very funny, Stark. If you could find it in you to take this seriously-"

"Unlikely."

"-I'm calling to inform you that you're needed at headquarters."

"I told you already, my consulting hours are-"

"This is not a consultation, Stark."

"Oh? Has SHIELD decided that the only way to keep the Merchant of Death in check is to get him and his suit into their exclusive little club?" Tony retorted, suddenly finding himself unable to control his sudden anger. As much as he liked his fellow Avengers, he wanted nothing to do with SHIELD. He glared at the Director shamelessly as he took another swig of coffee, relishing how it was still hot enough to burn on its way down his throat.

"If we wanted to contain you, you would already be contained," Fury assured him, though he did look slightly taken aback. At least, Tony thought he looked slightly taken aback - it was hard to tell with the Director's schooled expressions, but he thought he caught a minute eyebrow raise.

"For some reason I doubt that."

"Is there something you want to tell me, Stark, or are you going to shut up, suit up, and get your ass to headquarters?"

Maybe it was anger more than shock. Anger was certainly a lot more consistent. The man was very aptly named, if that was his real name.

"How about you tell me why you're calling me in, and I'll tell you if I'm coming."

"We're assembling the Avengers. You will be briefed when you arrive." With that, Fury cut the communication.

"Shit," Tony muttered as he got up off the couch. He finished his drink quickly before abandoning it on a nearby shelf. It was full of pointless knick knacks that Pepper had picked out. _Those will have to go too_, he thought before reaching the platform.

"You heard the man, JARVIS. Time to suit up."

In no time at all the machine whirred to life, fitting Tony into his suit with careful precision.

_Sir, I highly advise against flying to SHIELD headquarters at this level of intoxication._

"Okay _mom_, if things fall out of hand you can activate the autopilot. Until then my suit, my rules."

_Of course._

* * *

All too soon, Tony arrived at SHIELD headquarters. Quickly collapsing his suit into the portable briefcase, he was immediately given access. It was a miracle that he didn't stumble as he was lead by an agent to the conference room. When JARVIS was right, he was right. Tony Stark was much too drunk for anything good to come out of this meeting...and he honestly wouldn't have it any other way.

The genius wasn't surprised to find the whole team already assembled as he walked into the room. His tendency toward lateness aside, he was a liability to the organization - especially when he was inside their headquarters. True to form, he had JARVIS breaking into and stealing their files at this very moment. It wasn't even like he cared about what sneaky shit these guys were up to. Honestly all he currently cared about was getting home to his newly opened bottle of Jack Daniels. However, his and SHIELD's relationship was based on mutual distrust and he wasn't about to let them forget it. They had secrets, he wanted to know them - at least he did when his entire being wasn't running entirely on caffeine, alcohol, and a perverse will to make himself suffer.

"Thanks for holding off the party 'til I arrived, guys, really," he quipped, taking a seat next to Banner.

"Woah, Tony, when was the last time you slept?" the Doctor asked, eyes widening as he took in his friend's exhausted appearance.

"Not important," Tony replied, trying to wave away the attention that was starting to be given to him, "I wanna hear what's so important that Fury drug us in here for at 3 in the morning."

"Yes, if we could focus on the task at hand an not how Stark needs his beauty sleep," the Director droned, "this is an extremely important matter. If I had it my way none of you would be here right now, but unfortunately that is not the case."

"Whose decision is it?" Steve Rogers asked.

"A good question, Rogers. At this point the explanation is out of my hands," Fury replied, stepping aside to allow more room as the doors behind him opened. It was with a wary look that Thor emerged, clad in his armour and mjolner in a tight grip, with a rather casually dressed Loki in tow...unrestrained. Tony watched as all of his teammates tensed, the assassins dropping their hands to their weapons. Tony, however, placed his feet on top of the table and crossed his arms. For once one of these things seemed like it would be entertaining.

"Pikachu! Rudolph! Nice of you to drop by, I was just saying that we needed to have a reunion. Great excuse for a party." All he could do was smirk in response to everyone's incredulous stares.

* * *

Loki was resigned to his fate, but that didn't mean he had to be cooperative. He watched in sullen silence as Thor tried to explain to his comrades the situation at hand.

"Friends, it is great to see you again. It saddens me that I must return to you under less than enjoyable circumstances. I must ask a favour of you all, especially you Man of Iron."

"Me? As flattered as I am, I have a feeling that this has something to do with Harry Potter over there and I can't say we get along."

He did his best to remain expressionless and uninterested, but...things had actually gotten suddenly interesting. He had been there when his brother had initially contacted SHIELD and spoken to their leader, so he knew what Thor intended to ask of this man. For an ally and hero, though, it was quite interesting that almost everything that came out of his mouth was a lie, every expression on his face a mask. It was hard for him to say how much of a 'friend' this Anthony Stark really was.

"I realize I ask a lot, but please hear me out. The Allfather has stripped Loki of his powers and banished him to Midgard to atone for his past crimes. With the knowledge I now have of the circumstances of my brother's involvement with the Chitari and their leader, I can promise you that no harm will come from his presence in your realm."

"What new knowledge do you have?" the Widow asked. Loki was sad to admit that he visibly flinched. He had been doing so well, too, not reacting at all when the oaf again referred to him as his brother.

"That is a tale for my brother to tell when he is ready."

At this, Loki's eyes widened in shock. He had been prepared for Thor to force him to engage his comrades in the story of what happened to him after his fall from the bifrost. Suddenly he found himself grateful. It was strange and confused him. Why would Thor hinder himself in his convincing of these people just to make things more comfortable for the one whom they were all against?

"Alright, so you want us to give him the okay to be here?" This time is was Dr. Banner asking the question. Loki was not looking forward to dealings with this man. Should the beast take over and attack, there was no chance for him to survive in his mortal form.

"The Allfather's will is above Midgardian law, so I am sorry to not be able to give you more say in the matter, friends. The favour I have come to ask of you is that you house and keep watch over my brother. I refuse to allow him to be taken into custody here. The point of his sentence is not to be imprisoned in mortal form, but to learn compassion and make up for the chaos that he caused."

"And you want this giant slumber party to take place at my tower? That would not be helpful to my current project," Stark replied.

It really was fascinating. His words were delivered in false emotion, actions soaked in deceit. Suffice to say there was no 'project', or if there was the presence of others would not interfere with it.

"Aside from SHIELD your tower is the only place secure enough to house a war criminal, powerless or not," the Director fixed the Iron Man with a forceful glare.

"You don't fucking own me, Fury. If you think I'm a puppet you can make dance around on your strings, you're very mistaken," Stark replied, swiftly standing from his relaxed position. Lodi had not seen the shift in emotion coming. The man was unpredictable, and therefore even more interesting.

"Tony, calm down," the Widow said, her voice tranquil as she slowly rose from her seat. Loki could tell by her stance that she was ready to immobilize him if need be.

"If it's the only option, I don't see what's so bad about us all living together," the soldier reasoned.

"Hell, let Stark flip out and refuse. Then SHIELD has to take Loki," Barton said, earning a glare from the other assassin and a momentary smirk from their leader.

"Friend, I beg of you, please reconsider," Thor pleaded. The trickster didn't even have to look up to know that Thor was doing his puppy dog eyes. It was pathetic.

"You know what, fine Thor. You and Reindeer Games can have a floor in the tower, but that's it. The rest of you don't get to vote on this because it's not gonna happen. Spies in my house reporting everything back here? No way in hell. Cap, I'm sorry, but you're just as involved. Oh, Bruce, nothing's changes - wasn't talking to you. I'm out. Point Break, you know where I live."

Stark did not respond or turn in the slightest as his leader and team tried to call him back.

* * *

The first thing Tony did once he got out of his suit was walk inside and punch the first picture frame he came across. When that didn't improve anything, he destroyed two more before wiping his bloody hand on his shirt and giving up on the endeavor. Instead he entered his kitchen to retrieve the alcohol he had been so looking forward to. Barely 5 minutes passed as he stood there drinking and brooding about the sudden turn of events before JARVIS informed him of Loki and Thor's arrival on the roof.

"Anyone ever heard of doors?" he muttered, leaving the bottle in the kitchen as he headed upstairs to collect the Æsir.

"Oh good, you found the place. Let me just get you guys to the elevator. You'll have a floor to share so that you can keep an eye on Helen Keller here. Should be fine. Oh, and if you don't have normal clothes, you're getting some," he talked as he lead them to the elevator and took them several floors down. Both stepped out rather hesitantly, taking in their surroundings.

"Yup. Feel free to trash the furniture, we're getting all new tomorrow," Tony diverted their attention as he took a few steps back into the elevator, "Oh, and I almost forgot, if you need anything at all just ask JARVIS. He's everywhere."

_Good morning, guests._

Tony couldn't help but laugh as both of the viking aliens jumped upon hearing his AI's greeting.

"Jar, this is Thor and Loki. They live here now," he explained to the computer that all labs were off limits and that Loki couldn't leave the tower. Once he was convinced that the 2 Æsir could take care of themselves on this floor, he went home to his bottle.

"I can't catch a fucking break," he sighed, pulling his shirt up to look at the thing that saved his life. You'd think he'd have learned his lesson, but now...not so much.


End file.
